Workout: Day 2

Allie and I worked out again last night. It was both harder and easier than the first night. My arms are KILLING ME today, but I know it's because I've been working my muscles, so it's great.

What's also great is the conversations I've been having with Allie. One of the things she told me that I really like is "Think of your body as a machine." So, your body is a machine, and you are trying to get that machine to function at its highest capability. It's your job to take care of this machine, but, something that I have to remember, is that you are not defined by this machine. It is you, but it is not representative of your worth.

Allie and I have also been talking about our goals for working out. I want to focus on health. Absolutely. Feeling better in my skin, being able to climb stairs without being winded. Being able to lift more with my arms. Feeling alive, healthy, energetic. And I want any changes in weight to be an effect of my health, not a motivation for it. Because, of course, I want to lose weight. But if I focus on that, back down the rabbit hole I will fall. And I'm frankly too far in my recovery for that. Too... old, is how I feel, for things like that. Because it was a crutch for me for so long, and I've grown so much since I was sick, that to go back would be to completely ignore my entire arsenal of psychological tools that I have gained over the years. And I don't want to do that.

Another comment about the weight thing: I haven't weighed myself in four years, and I am definitely not going to start now. I will monitor my progress in terms of how long I'm able to work out and what kinds of things I am able to do, and how my clothes fit, and most importantly, how I feel.

I'm really jazzed about all this!