I took the night off last night from going to the gym, because my arms were extremely tired. I did, however, stretch and do stomach exercises in my room. It was nice to relax last night, seeing as I was on my feet for six hours at work as well.

I worked out today with Sarah, my girlfriend, and it was great!

But enough of all this workout talk. Let me get real here for a minute.

I'm scared shitless. About this whole project. I have all these doubts that I've ingrained in myself since my eating disorder began. Like, I can't lose weight without starving myself. I'll never feel good about myself, no matter how skinny I am. I'll never be good enough to deserve X, Y, and Z. And I know intellectually that these things are completely untrue and ridiculous and just in my head and irrational. But there is that part of me that always asks, in the back of my mind, What if they're true? And if I were to ever quit this project, these would be the reasons why.

But the reason I began this project is because I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself and crying when I see an unflattering picture or when I go try on clothes in the mall. I'm tired of feeling unmotivated and lazy. I'm tired of making excuses. I'm tired of ignoring myself. And that's why I won't quit now. I can't quit now.